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April 20, 2012   
01:20pm 20/04/2012
 

I can't wait for George to get out of this terrible, awful, shitty band!!!

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(Pull the trigger!)

 
Being a girl really super sucks sometimes.    
03:16pm 04/10/2011
 

My Monday night/Tuesday:

Ate faux chicken nuggets
Got period
Writhed in pain
Took ibuprofen
Writhed in pain some more
Applied heat patch
Tried to sleep
Tossed and turned in pain
Tossed and turned in pain some more
Tossed and turned in pain again
Slept
Tossed and turned in pain more
Woke up feeling nauseated and in too much pain to move
Took more ibuprofen
Texted Joe I wouldn't be in vibrations
Tossed and turned in pain
Tossed and turned in pain some more
Tossed and turned in pain again
Tossed and turned in pain more
Crawled out of bed to bathroom to pee
Peed
Felt a little bit better
Washed hands
Felt way way worse
Crawled back in bed
Repeated tossing and writhing in pain
Got up and showered
Half way through, puked (got some on leg)
Cleaned barf off
Wrapped self in towel
Combed hair
Climbed back in bed
Cried while writhing in pain

And that is just until 3:15 pm! The night is still young!

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
   
11:15am 06/09/2011
   
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
06/15/2011   
07:17pm 15/06/2011
 

Evidence of how huge a rip off college book stores are.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

 
     

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Sunny drinking game.   
06:36pm 07/03/2011
 

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

 
     

(1 broken + bleeding. | Pull the trigger!)

 
Saturday December 4, 2010.   
08:13pm 04/12/2010
  Just read through Andrew's last livejournal entry. Hit the "post a comment" button, and then couldn't think of anything to say. I carry this banner on my chest for you, dude. Forever.

Reading back through the comments that I had posted made me remember...I had shown him, at one point, the lego man that he'd given me, and he misunderstood and took it. He then thought that I meant that I didn't want to see him anymore, and he sent me a ridiculously angry email at work. When I first started at Frantz, in production, he and I communicated frequently over email. I still remember the way his voice sounded in the voicemail that he'd left me. He's missed out on so much. It's still so freaking surreal.

At this point, over seven years after the accident, it's like "Did I ever even know Andrew? Was he real, or did I dream him?" I still wonder what happened to that scarf that I made him. Very long, and maroon-ish. Does Devin wear it? Is it sitting in his room? Did someone else take it over?

I need to get back to studying for finals...
 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
:(   
04:22am 23/11/2009
 

Laying in bed; can't sleep. Feeling heartbroken. Was reading a trash romance novel about a woman who thought her husband was cheating and left him...only to learn 5 years later that she still loves him, and he'd never cheated. Whole part with engagement rings reminded me that I'll never get one. :(

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
</3   
03:55pm 14/11/2009
  texted him 30 minutes ago with "I miss my best friend. :(" no response. i guess it's really fucking over.

i wish i could say i was over it.
 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
broken.   
11:07pm 13/11/2009
  just checked his facebook. updated to say he's looking for "relationships" and "dating." did you hear the smashing glass noise? that was my heart breaking.  
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
   
02:38am 09/11/2009
  Applying to co-op positions for spring/summer 2010, I happened upon a co-op at NORTHTEC--the company in Bristol at which Ben's brother-in-law (Scott), Ben's mother, and Ben's brother (Bill) work. Of course you know I sent in my resume. AWKWARD!!  
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
...   
07:21pm 08/11/2009
  To the big burly black man on the sidewalk outside my house:

Please stfu.

Thanks,
-Christine
 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
:(   
11:53am 08/11/2009
 

Miserable. Can't muster will to get out of bed. Wondering if he's still in Bensalem or if he's headed home. Wondering if he's told his family we're through. Depressed over fact that he hasn't called/texted/emailed. I called him last Wednesday; sounded so cold, unhappy to be hearing from me.

Just need to accept that it's done and over. Fucking waste of four years.

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
:(   
02:46am 08/11/2009
 

Also, this weekend has been the longest.weekend.everrrrr. I can't believe it's only Saturday night (wee hours of Sunday morning).

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
:(   
02:42am 08/11/2009
 

Tonight was the worst. Knowing that Ben is in Bensalem cooking for his brother, so close, and yet he didn't even call or text me? Pretty fucking painful. Even though I know it's over, and we're never getting back together, I can't help hoping... I know he's not going to call me tomorrow; he's not going to stop by for a visit before he heads back to school. But for whatever reason, I just can't help getting my hopes up, just the tiniest bit.

Thank goodness for Joe. If he wasn't engaged, I'd be on that like white on rice. We argue like cats and dogs, but he's one of the nicest guys ever.

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
Fucking miserable.   
03:00am 07/11/2009
 

At a club in NE Philly. Everyone's getting numbers, a couple people tried to dance with me, I don't care. All I keep thinking about is the fact that Ben refused to answer my question-laden email, he refused to hang out with me tonight, and he isn't going to call me today.

How did things degenerate to this point?

I feel as though I'm finally resigning myself to the fact (as I'm certain it is a fact) that Ben and I will never get back together. I just can't stop moping and feeling miserable over that fact. I don't want to be with anyone else. What the fuck was I thinking??

At least I have Derek and Joe looking out for me and keeping me company. :/

God. If only...

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
Ugh.   
03:30pm 06/11/2009
  A couple of seconds ago, he went online. My computer is set up to make a "ding" noise when he signs on. Immediately after seeing my screenname online, he signed off. How did we get to this? We were best friends, planned on getting married. Now he gives one-line responses to my emails, doesn't return calls or texts, and signs off when he sees me online. I feel like shit.  
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
:(   
02:15pm 06/11/2009
  Some days I'm okay, and I can sort-of function. And other days, I'm not okay...I feel horrifically depressed, and I have difficulty functioning on any level. Today is one of the second. I don't even know what to do with myself: should I try to be more considerate and show him how much I care for him, should I ignore him altogether, should I try to be his friend. He wants "space." I didn't speak with him at all yesterday, and I won't today. [Kelly and I were invited over to Derek & Erik's house for margaritas and Where the Wild Things Are]. It is going to be exceedingly difficult to manage tomorrow, when I know he is right over in Bensalem cooking for his brother...

Right now I'm watching Better Off Dead, and I completely identify with Lane. I'm ready to jump off an overpass, hang myself with an extension cord...

I tried to do what Joe suggested, and box up everything that reminds me of Ben. Unfortunately, that would be just about everything.

I have to look up co-ops, I have to do a PHIL315 paper (rough draft due Tuesday), I have to study for a MEM435 quiz, I have tons of MEM435 labs that are still due, I have CIVE320 homework that I haven't completed for the past two weeks. Ughhhh.
 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
On the bright side (work in progress...)   
10:13am 02/11/2009
 

+ At least my phone is in my own name.
+ At least we aren't living together.
+ At least I won't be seeing him around after this weekend.
+ At least I won't have to go to his parents' house alone around Christmastime.
+ At least I didn't wait another two years.

I'm miserable.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
On the bright side (work in progress...)   
10:13am 02/11/2009
 

+ At least my phone is in my own name.
+ At least we aren't living together.
+ At least I won't be seeing him around after this weekend.
+ At least I won't have to go to his parents' house alone around Christmastime.
+ At least I didn't wait another two years.

I'm miserable.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

 
     

(Pull the trigger!)

 
fml   
01:45am 02/11/2009
  I agree that a lot of the time I do stupid shit. But Kelly is currently ridiculously angry with me, for telling my friend Derek's roommate (who I orchestrated the hookup with) that Kelly's favorite color was blue growing up (which it fucking was; my favorite color used to be blue and then Kelly, being the youngest, copied everything I did...even her bedroom at my mother's house was blue...Kelly's choice. She was trying to tell the boy that her favorite color was green, coincidentally the color of the hoodie that the boy was wearing).

I've been having a damn rough time, so I smoked one from the last pack of cloves that Kelly and I bought together, and Kelly told him (in front of me) that I shouldn't be doing that and she doesn't like it. I was like, whatever, you bought them with me!

So, she's angry at me for telling the fucking truth?!?! What the fuck is the point in lying to people?!?! How do I manage to immerse myself into so much drama?!?!? I'm going to become a hermit, and only talk with Joe Gruber, Cuong Truong, and Ben (who I recently broke up with, but is still the best dude. :/).

Hey Michelle, you're probably the only person who still reads this. <3
 
     

(Pull the trigger!)